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About Photography / Hobbyist Member Amy LoveFemale/United Kingdom Recent Activity
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Screaming-Ninja
Amy Love
Artist | Hobbyist | Photography
United Kingdom
Nature Photography is my favourite hobby and interest besides music :-) I have been into my photography for 7 years now as I took a real interest in it when I was 14 years old with my mum being my inspiration to take up photography and my uncle helped me by giving me my first ever proper camera when I was 16 years old! While I was in college, besides studying a level 3 diploma in childcare, I also did a level 2 course in practical photography, which I absolutely loved and passed with flying colours! But I do wish now that I had done an A-Level in photography instead!

I used to enjoy writing too, I haven't done it for a while as I drifted away from it. My writing only REALLY appeals to a niche group of people as I pretty much wrote fan-fiction which I know doesn't appeal to a lot of people. But I would write to express any bottled up emotions that I had, I'll Catch You being an example of that.

I love My Chemical Romance even though they are no longer together, they were and will always be my heroes. I love Green Day and Bon Jovi, along with Simple Plan, Guns n Roses, Bowie and many other musicians - I'm quite a collective and I will pretty much listen to anything!


I also have my stories and one-shots published to FicWad and Mibba under the account ScreamingNinja93 - the links to those websites are down below:
ficwad.com/author/143221
www.mibba.com/Member/297364/


Current Residence: United Kingdom
Favourite genre of music: Rock/Alternative Rock
Favourite photographer: Jose A Gallego
MP3 player of choice: iPod Nano

The camera that I currently use (it's the only camera I have!) is an Olympus E-520. I hope to one day be able to save up enough money to afford a new camera that I can use, but I do love my little Olympus camera!
Interests
I have decided that my deviant page is going to be purely for my photography work.

Any writing that I have uploaded, will shortly be disappearing off deviant art permanently. But it will still be available to read/view on Mibba/Ficwad, both links are featured on my deviant ID on my profile.

I know ages ago I made this exact same decision and then months later, decided to re-upload my stories. But this time, it will be permanent.

I want to focus purely on my photography; my wildlife photography. I am currently deciding upon whether I want to upgrade my camera, and my mother is kindly letting me use one of her cameras, to get a feel and a better idea of what I want to upgrade to (if anyone is interested, the camera she is letting me borrow for the time being is a Canon 5D)

I really want to get back on my photography game - it used to be such a good stress reliever for me, to just go out with a camera and take pictures of nature. And I really need that stress reliever right now, considering the amount of stress and crap I have been through and had to put up with for not just the last couple of months, but for the last couple of years.

I'm also done with people; done with being nice I've had my trust betrayed far too many times. I've no doubt there might be a couple of snitches, snooping around my deviant page and right now, I don't care. I'm done with putting my trust into people, only for that trust to be betrayed.

I'm sick and tired of being sick too.

Why I need a stress reliever and photography is going to be just that, besides music and my true family and few close friends that I have and know I can trust.

So to sum it up; my writing will be removed permanently from my deviant account to focus purely on my photography. I will start to remove it as soon as I have posted this journal, but it is late and I'm exhausted as it is.
  • Mood: Tired

Activity


I have decided that my deviant page is going to be purely for my photography work.

Any writing that I have uploaded, will shortly be disappearing off deviant art permanently. But it will still be available to read/view on Mibba/Ficwad, both links are featured on my deviant ID on my profile.

I know ages ago I made this exact same decision and then months later, decided to re-upload my stories. But this time, it will be permanent.

I want to focus purely on my photography; my wildlife photography. I am currently deciding upon whether I want to upgrade my camera, and my mother is kindly letting me use one of her cameras, to get a feel and a better idea of what I want to upgrade to (if anyone is interested, the camera she is letting me borrow for the time being is a Canon 5D)

I really want to get back on my photography game - it used to be such a good stress reliever for me, to just go out with a camera and take pictures of nature. And I really need that stress reliever right now, considering the amount of stress and crap I have been through and had to put up with for not just the last couple of months, but for the last couple of years.

I'm also done with people; done with being nice I've had my trust betrayed far too many times. I've no doubt there might be a couple of snitches, snooping around my deviant page and right now, I don't care. I'm done with putting my trust into people, only for that trust to be betrayed.

I'm sick and tired of being sick too.

Why I need a stress reliever and photography is going to be just that, besides music and my true family and few close friends that I have and know I can trust.

So to sum it up; my writing will be removed permanently from my deviant account to focus purely on my photography. I will start to remove it as soon as I have posted this journal, but it is late and I'm exhausted as it is.
  • Mood: Tired
Boy, will I be glad when the warm weather starts to come back! Never been one for the cold weather, but I've no doubt that when summer arrives, myself along with the rest of the nation will be complaining that it's too hot!!

Anyway, I thought I'd post a little journal update. In my last journal, I briefly mentioned that I wasn't feeling too good; that I'd been feeling bloated and nauseated . . . . I think it was a couple of days after I'd posted that journal that I got worse. Having real bad stomach aches, physically felt sick and my stomach felt like someone had put it on spin cycle.

At first, me and my mum initially thought it might have been a gluten intolerance, but after attempting a trail run of a gluten free diet, which helped for a week before I went straight back down hill again and being off sick from work for 3 days, it finally prompted a visit to the doctor. And this time I didn't go alone. I had the moral support of my dad and for once, the doctor actually stopped and listened. In fact, this doctor was very efficient. She suspected IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) but decided to run blood tests to rule out everything else first. So she requested a full blood count E.S.R and CRP test (they're inflammatory indicator tests, which if comes back positive/flagged up could indicate that you have an infection, an autoimmune disorder etc etc) bone, renal and liver profile and screened me for coeliac disease.

In total, I ended up having three blood tests in the space of two weeks Disbelief the second one to recheck my bone profile as the first time round, it flagged that I had slightly raised calcium levels. The third one was to recheck my vitamin D levels. If you know me well enough, you'll just know how much I love needles . . . . . not!! I got upset and stressed out on the third test as she struggled to find a vein - a few people have taken to calling me "pin cushion" Shrug 

But long story short, all the tests came back clear, including the bone profile recheck. I asked the doctor what the slightly raised calcium levels could have been and he said either dehydration or my parathyroid glands being slightly overactive due to my vitamin D deficiency. But I was given the all clear with the suspected diagnosis of IBS and to see how I go seeming as I have started to feel better and to go straight back if I go back downhill again. Well . . . . I was almost given the all clear Grump I got the doctor to check my throat as it had been feeling lousy on and off for quite some time and it'd been bad over the weekend. Turns out I have a mild viral throat infection with a slightly raised temperature. So I almost got given the all clear from the doctor!!

But if I'm honest, in that whole time, I'd been feeling stressed out . . . . and I mean stressed out a lot and don't necessarily mean with work, but with people . . . . and I'd been feeling pretty depressed too; I'm still depressed but I'm better than I was. And sometimes, in order to help yourself and to make yourself feel happy again, you need to let go of those, who upset you; who stress you out, put unwanted pressure and guilt upon you and drag you down - people like that, are toxic. You find once you do that, you start to feel better; I know I started to feel better after.

On a more positive note, despite feeling sick as a dog, my best friend that I've known since I was 4, turned 22 back in January and me, her and several of her other close friends, all went out for a meal, and it was such a good laugh :) she even got a fish named Frank as a birthday gift!

I've also decided that once I've got my health in check (which hopefully now I have or I'm on my way to getting in check) I've decided that I do want to get out with my camera a lot more (currently debating whether I want to buy a new camera to play with) I also want to go out and socialise more with my friends - I'm quite an introvert but where I felt unwell and depressed, I didn't really fancy going out much, just wanted to keep myself to myself.

I also keep getting an urge to sit and draw, but when I then sit and think about it and go to get out a drawing pad and pencils, I get put off . . . same with writing. One day it might transpire and I have enough motivation and concentration to sit and either draw and/or write . . . . but right now I'm tired but I also have the motivation to go and make myself some buttered toast!!
  • Mood: Tired
As the title of this journal says, I never really see anything happy about a new year; to me I see it as another day in a different year but same old shit! But that is probably just me ._.

Now I know people don't read my journals or very few do. But for me, being able to write a journal here, is just a good way for me to be able to vent and get whatever I need off my chest, regardless to whether anyone reads them or comments on them. For me, I've vented; it's off my chest.

If anything, I'm quite an introvert; I love the peace and quiet and being able to be by myself in a quiet area, away from people (friends included) and be able to think over things and my emotions and feelings. But I have a terrible habit of bottling up all my feelings and emotions up until I reach breaking point. Sometimes, if I feel like, I will share my thoughts, feelings/emotions with the very few close friends that I have and trust. But I do like to keep to myself the majority of the time. I only really love socialising with very small groups of people; I get or feel overwhelmed when I am stuck socialising with a huge group of people.

I don't really remember much of November after I posted my last journal. I know it was very busy and stressful at work though; it is always busy and stressful at work, but not so stressful that I can't cope. Not a lot really happened in November apart from finally opening up to my line manager about my health issues and then also being open about it with the rest of my colleagues too. And it was a good feeling to know how understanding and how helpful they are about it too. If anything, the beginning of December had a horrible start.

As you know, I have hypothyroidism (under active thyroid) triggered by Hashimoto's disease/autoimmune thyroiditis (basically where your own immune system mistakenly attacks your thyroid gland without reason and it is unknown as to what triggers any autoimmune condition) I also have had trouble with my hips and knees for years, where I get unbearable pain to a point where it will bring me to tears and make my feel sick.

Since about August/September, I had been feeling more tired than I had been, had very little to no energy to a point where I was having to force myself out of bed each morning in order to go to work, and when I got home, I would crash and would barely be able to stay awake. My hip and knee pain was also getting worse, lasting for days to weeks on end. It was depressing to say the least and dragging me down; I was tearful and emotional.

So I went to the doctors at the beginning of December; I had to go anyway to get my blood pressure checked before I was allowed my next prescription because of one of the tablets I am on. Now I don't like doctors, and I have my reasons for not liking them, which I will explain shortly. My appointment was with a locum doctor, so a doctor who doesn't work at the surgery, but stands in when say one of the regular doctor's is off on annual leave.

Now a reason I don't like going to the doctors is because whenever I do go there to see someone, I feel that I get brushed off to one side, not taken seriously and that is all because of my age . . . . I am 21 years old. I explained to the doctor how I was feeling and what was going on, and the first thing she said to me was, "oh, you shouldn't be having these problems; you're only 21 years old."

Now I know for a FACT that I shouldn't be having hip and knee problems . . . but I'm not your average 21 year old. If I wasn't having the problems, I wouldn't have been sat in the doctor's office! I even mentioned that I original came to the doctors in April 2014 about my hips and knees and how sick and tired I was of the pain. And the doctor there and then sent a referral off to physiotherapy andthat I would hear within the next couple of weeks. I never did hear anything, so went again in August, where I was given a self-referral form to do, sent that off and never heard anything back.

I even asked the doctor there and then what I could do for the pain as I was at my wits end . . . she said nothing, just stared at the computer screen, before turning around and went on to say how, "oh everyone gets really fatigued from time to time."

Yes I am also well aware of that; aware that everyone else can get really fatigued from time to time. But I'm really fatigued every single day, regardless to whether I get  good nights sleep or not; regardless to whether I get 2-3 hours of sleep or 10-12 hours of sleep. I am ALWAYS tired no matter what. Sometimes I will wake up more tired than before I went to bed.

Then said, "everyone gets stressed, that can cause anxiety and tiredness as well as the general sense of feeling unwell."

Again, I am also well aware of that!!! Know EXACTLY what high levels of stress can do to your body, I only have to look back to my old previous job working with kids and previous two relationships to know what high levels of stress can do to the body. But I have also been a worry wart since I was a small child. I have also had panic attacks, which are highly unpleasant.

I then question about vitamin D levels as someone asked me if I had ever had them checked, and suggested that I should get them checked. I got me with a very snarky reply of, "but you only had your levels checked back in August. But I suppose if you're feeling worse we can check them again. And if we were to test everyone's vitamin D levels, I'm sure everyone would have a slight vitamin D deficiency because of it being winter."

By this point, I was getting really wound up and pissed off with this doctor. She was blatantly judging me because of my age. And I'm not the only one who is in this boat either. I left the doctors surgery with my blood test form for my thyroid levels and vitamin D levels. I was scarily calm though as I walked out and my dad walked beside me. And then it started to hit how angry I was. I got home, and of course my mother then text me to ask how the appointment went, I called her and practically burst into tears over the phone.

I was hurt, angry and upset over the fact that I had been brushed off like that. Pissed off at the fact that I would probably have to be on my death bed or dead before a doctor would really notice or "care" like they should. But a couple of days later, I had a letter through the post, that had come from the hospital, in regards to a physiotherapy appointment, which even though I felt relieved to have FINALLY received a letter, I was angry/annoyed at the fact that it had taken since April to get a response!

I also had my blood test, and was told it would be over a week before I would get the vitamin D test results . . . had a call the day after the blood test to be told I had a vitamin D prescription to come and collect. It's a long term prescription too, but I'm not sure in doctor's terms how long "long term" means.

As for the physiotherapy, I have had two appointments and basically I do have muscle weakness, which makes my muscles and tendons more relaxed. And because of that, my joints can then stretch further than they should. BUT it is not enough to class me as hypermobile, as it only affects my hips and knees. So I basically have all these muscles exercises to do to tone up my muscles. And what I really like about the physiotherapist that I see, she takes into account that I get very tired very quickly because of my thyroid problem, so she gives me exercises that I can do that won't tire me out too much.

So it feels good to feel like I might be getting somewhere with my health. But I still don't like doctors . . . I mean I know not every doctor is like that. I know that there are doctors out there who do listen, do take into account what you are saying and will actually help you. But just knowing that there are doctors who do judge people and not take people seriously because of their age, does just piss me off.

But I've got a feeling I might end up having to pay another visit to the doctors again at some point ._. I keep on feeling bloated and nauseous lately after I've eaten sometimes, especially when I've eaten bread. So I should probably go and speak to someone about that.

So besides my health, I had a very quiet Christmas with my family; I actually don't like Christmas at all and I have my reasons, but I don't really want to go into that too much as this journal is long enough as it is. I actually worked right up until Christmas Eve and came home from wok on Christmas Eve to a nice full roast turkey dinner cooked by my mum :) and I loved it! My cousin also got married over Christmas . . . that was an interesting experience to say the least! Massive power cut at the wedding reception venue, so dinner proved very interesting indeed! It wasn't a brilliant day for me though, but again, I don't really want to go into it.

New Year again was quiet for me; I worked New Year's Eve and was nearly asleep by 10pm! But I stayed up anyway to keep the cat company during the fireworks. I have to say, the London fireworks display was very spectacular indeed! And so was the concert that Adam Lambert did with Queen :) absolutely loved that!

But yeah, like I said, I don't really see anything happy about the new year.

But I trust and hope everyone else had a brilliant Christmas (or holiday if you don't celebrate Christmas) and a good new year!

I have made a promise to myself to try and get out more, especially with my camera so I can do some more photography. I don't ever feel like writing anymore; I doubt I ever will write again. I've also made a promise to try and meet up more with my friends as well. Where I was feeling down and out of it because of my health the last couple of months, I feel like I lost touch with them a little. So I want to try and meet up with them more this year :)

Anyway, time for me to end this journal here I think, this journal is quite long! So, on that note, until the next journal, goodnight dA

xoxo
  • Mood: Tired
So it has been nearly three months since I last done a journal update . . . my last journal being about seeing STOMP live, which was absolutely fantastic :) anyway, a fair few things have happened since then. I don't remember much of August, I'm lucky if I remember things with my hypo-brain (the joys of an underactive thyroid and medication for it!) but September was a completely different story.

September was an interesting . . . . and very shit month for me in general. First things first, I started my job full-time permanent at the hospital, which I'll talk about in a minute. But September was just pure hell. A good friend of mine, was sadly attacked right at the beginning of the month; she was attacked in quite possibly the worst way possible . . . she was raped and left with a broken arm. That really hit home . . . because even though you can read about attacks like that in the paper, it really does hit home when it happens to someone you know . . and care about. And I think the reason WHY she was raped . . . is just unacceptable and quite frankly, I'm glad the person responsible for such a dreadful crime is actually behind bars. But sadly I then received news on the 24th of September that my friend had taken her own life; she couldn't live with herself and she was so bright and bubbly, always smiling, always had something positive to say. But she'd also had a very rough childhood, where she had her trust betrayed by someone that she should have been able to confined in. But I am not going to talk about that. It was a real shock to receive the news, I was devastated, I broke down in the middle the office I work in . . . it still hurts me now; still upsets me knowing that she is gone and not coming back. I am still coming to terms with that and it will take a while for me to come to terms with it.

My grandfather also ended up in hospital in September; I am still very cross and disappointed with his doctor's surgery but I am not going to go into that either, otherwise I'll just get myself wound up! But he ended up in hospital as he was very short of breath, he couldn't move two feet without feeling faint and his oxygen levels were really low, which is never good! He was there for a good five days and he had a really bad chest infection, so they put him on antibiotics. My grandfather is prone to get bronchitis because he has a weak chest. But it scared me so much to hear that he was in hospital, because it was September 2013 when he had his mini stroke and seizure, and because of that it did take away some of his independence; he's completely blind in his left eye as the stroke/seizure damaged the mechanism in his brain that allows him to see out of his left eye. And he's already got age-related macular degeneration in his right eye, so it is now, only a matter of time before he loses his eye sight altogether. I worry about him all the time; I try and make it so that I see him once/twice a month.


And then I ended up on antibiotics myself; I ended up with a small infection in my gum around my wisdom tooth ._. and even though the antibiotics they gave me, I'd had them before in the past with no problems what so ever, this time I ended up having a very mild reaction to them this time around ._. ended up covered in a rash and that is no fun, what so ever! So looks like that is another antibiotic I can't have as I'm already allergic to penicillin!

Like I said, I started my job as full-time permanent and at first, I felt like tearing my hair out as I felt like I had been thrown right in the deep end of the pool. I felt like I wasn't getting the support I needed, like I was being ignored when I asked a question and when I got an answer, it was a very short and blunt answer. But we were under-staffed (still are now) and I pulled through, despite all the stress of losing a friend, my grandfather and my bitch of a wisdom tooth. I'm settling into it even more now, which is good, but I do have my moments where I regret going for the job and wished I'd stayed as agency; I always said I would only ever do hospital admin work through agency, I'd never do it was permanent full-time/part-time. But here I am doing it as a full-time permanent member of staff!! It's an incredibly busy working environment that keeps me on my toes, but I cope and always say when I'm not. My plan is to stay there for a year or two and then maybe decide if I want to go back to childcare, if I want to look for another admin role within the hospital, an admin role within a childcare setting, whether I want to go back to the agency or if I want to stay put; I'm not entirely sure yet on what I want to do, I'm only 21!

So with September being incredibly crap and horrible, October got off to a little shaky started. Firs day of October, I find out my uncle was in eye casualty after getting some rust in his eye, despite wearing protective goggles! I had half a mind to go down there and smack him for it and say, "Jesus Christ family, stop scaring me by getting yourselves admitted to the hospital!" But he's fine though - I will say this to anyone that reads this (if anyone reads this) IF you do get something in your eye, then for the love of Loki, either try and wash it out with eye wash or go to your A&E, walk-in centre or ER (if you like in the US) because your eyes are so delicate and I don't think a lot of people realise just how much you rely on your eye sight and how much of your independence it takes away when you become visually impaired! Anyway, enough of me being a mother XD but October in general was an ok month :)

I still have my thyroid issues; they'll never go away, my immune system won't ever stop attacking my thyroid gland. I've also been having some anxiety and depression-like issues, which hasn't helped an awful lot but I'm still kicking and working my way through each and every day!

I haven't really done much in the way of photography . . . or writing for that matter. I haven't been in the right frame of mind or motivated to do any ._. but I have been doing some RPing with my near and dear friend, who is like a sister to me :icontenderrevenge: which I have absolutely loved :) we're still RPing and I find it a great escape from stress, its probably about the only form of writing that I do to be perfectly honest! I do find it hard to sit and concentrate at times and be in the right frame of mind.

I've just realised that this is probably a really long journal by now, of me just rambling away. I know people don't really read them or anything, but it's just nice to get things off my chest at times. And I thought it was about time I did a journal!!

Oh and before I do finish this journal, I do recommend watching the film Only Lovers Left Alive . . . . to me it is how a vampire love story should be. Plus I love and adore Tom Hiddleston :heart: he plays such a brilliant character in the film!

Anyway, time for me to head off. If anyone does read this, then I hope you are well!

xoxo
  • Mood: Tired
Seriously, if you have not seen STOMP live yet, then go and see it! If you have never heard of STOMP, look them up on YouTube and then go see them live! I saw them for a second time last night, and just absolutely fantastic. Very clever how they make music out of house hold items, all the performers are very talented and it does have a real good comedy value too!! I was crying with laughter at one point, and by the end of the show, my sides and stomach hurt from laughing so much, my cheeks hurt from laughing and smiling and my hands were tingling from clapping so much! I would definitely go and see them for a third time!! :D :D :D :D

I have had a very long and tiring week. But I went for a job interview for the job I am doing as a temp and got offered the job, which I accepted :) so chuffed with myself! Just got to do all the paperwork now and then I'll get my official start date :)

I feel incredibly rough and lousy this morning and so does my dad. So I am having a very quiet day of just chatting with friends, doing some RP with my dear friend and sister, catching up on some YouTuber videos and possibly watching a few films :) I haven't really done any writing (besides RP) or drawing or photography lately. I might do at some point, but it's being the right mood to do either of them.

I also want to get a black kitten and call it Loki . . . . but with how Maisy my cat treats other cats, that won't happen ._. maybe one day when I have a place of my own, I'll get a little black kitten ^_^ my mum told me that she'd love a ginger kitten, as she finds them very cute and adorable and I have to agree that they are very cute! Heck all cats and kittens are cute and adorable! :heart:
  • Mood: Tired

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:iconidunno09:
Idunno09 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the fave :huggle:
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:iconscreaming-ninja:
Screaming-Ninja Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Yoou're welcome :hug: :)
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:iconbyzho:
byzho Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Professional Artist
Happy Birthday! Have your cake and eat it too
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:iconscreaming-ninja:
Screaming-Ninja Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you!! :) :highfive:
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:icons2501v:
S2501V Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
oh was a real pleasure i'm just a nature lover..
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:iconmcromantical:
MCRomantical Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the watch :D x
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